Where Have I Been??

Hey, all! I realized that I haven't posted anything on here the entire month of October since November is literally days away, so I figured I'd check back in with my cyber friends. Honestly, this month has been a bit of a trying month for me, which I will get into more detail down below. But, for lack of better words, I've been a frequent passenger on The Struggle Bus--I even got my own monogrammed seat and everything now! LOL.

Now, onward for explaining my absence:

1) As some of you may know---or if not, now you do--I attended college to pursue my dream career of registered nursing. After graduation, I became heavily involved in an online review program and books piled high, studying away for my licensure exam for nursing. *YES, I have to take an exam to practice. A very expensive one, might I add*. Anywho, I took my exam the middle of this month and about 140ish questions would determine my fate of "yes, this person is competent enough to be licensed" or "Absolutely not! No way is she caring for anyone on my family!!" Long story short, I ended up passing!!!!! Whooop whoop! Receiving my license about a week later in the mail made it all the more real to me that I am indeed, a real registered nurse!

2) Of course, with every taste of sweetness , a sour patch soon follows behind. Despite my high from passing one of most intense tests of my life, my self esteem has taken a very severe beating---not that's ever been super duper high anyway. Truth is, I've always struggled with confidence and self-security. I can't really remember a moment where I was totally okay with who I was, even if I wasn't quite where I wanted to be. So, as a result [along with a few open wounds from past bullying], I frequently rip myself to pieces before someone else had the chance. Let me show exactly what I mean:

Crystal clear, now?? As you imagine, I pretty much lost any real passion to do anything. or really care about anything. I've been mean, really mean. 

3) Lastly, I've honestly been working a lot of hours at my job. but it's a bit different because I work third shift, or overnights. So most days, as soon as I get home, I virtually sleep a lot of the day away because I'm so exhausted. 

Well, I hope that this answer any questions that ya'l may have had about my well being. I'm indeed alive. Crumbling, but still alive. There is probably some grand, profound lesson that is to be learned about this situation, but honestly, I'm not real ready to learn it just yet.