To Be Black....
Good morning all :) happy first of February and also happy Black History Month!! So, I decided in this post to get a little more personal and just have to share this very real moment that happened to me this morning:
So, I was in the living room of my my college town house having some quiet time with God & was in the middle of writing a self love letter (more about that in a different post later). Well, as I was scribbling away, one sentence that I wrote had immediately caught my attention--"Don't be that girl that used to scrub her skin so hard while showering or bathing, wishing that the skin she had would lighten." As soon as I wrote that, I began to cry. In an instant, I was mentally transported to my puberty years & I remember clearly how I would do that every night I was in my bathroom to the point where my skin was sore and swollen. I could feel the brokenness that lied inside my heart, the disgust and shame that appeared when I looked in the mirror, the hate that lied behind my eyes. I'm surprised that I don't have a premature hump at my spine from hanging my head so low.
I HATED being dark skinned and wanted to do whatever I could to make it go away. But over the years, I had learned that I could not keep basing my identity on that self- hate. I had wasted so much time trying to change to fit in and be a part of the crowd instead of taking to time to embrace and love my rich chocolate skin. It took me almost 11 years of badmouthing, tears, broken hearts and a big ol' smack from reality to realize that being Black was such a treasure, such a rare jewel with an unattainable value..... and I was blessed enough to have it!! How dare I not show it off proudly to the rest of the world, myself included? How dare I try to uphold unreasonable and unrealistic standards about what kind of Black was 'acceptable" and what kind was not?? I couldn't believe my own ignorance.
So, from this moment forward, I choose to polish and rock the gleaming gem of being an African American :) no longer will I try to fall in line with society's standards of acceptance and beauty. Instead, I choose to focus on inspiring other women like myself to define being black in a positive manner in whichever way that they choose to. To kind of help explain what I mean a little bit better, I wrote a poem about two years ago during Black History Month about my own thoughts on defining what it truly means...TO BE BLACK:
So, I was in the living room of my my college town house having some quiet time with God & was in the middle of writing a self love letter (more about that in a different post later). Well, as I was scribbling away, one sentence that I wrote had immediately caught my attention--"Don't be that girl that used to scrub her skin so hard while showering or bathing, wishing that the skin she had would lighten." As soon as I wrote that, I began to cry. In an instant, I was mentally transported to my puberty years & I remember clearly how I would do that every night I was in my bathroom to the point where my skin was sore and swollen. I could feel the brokenness that lied inside my heart, the disgust and shame that appeared when I looked in the mirror, the hate that lied behind my eyes. I'm surprised that I don't have a premature hump at my spine from hanging my head so low.
I HATED being dark skinned and wanted to do whatever I could to make it go away. But over the years, I had learned that I could not keep basing my identity on that self- hate. I had wasted so much time trying to change to fit in and be a part of the crowd instead of taking to time to embrace and love my rich chocolate skin. It took me almost 11 years of badmouthing, tears, broken hearts and a big ol' smack from reality to realize that being Black was such a treasure, such a rare jewel with an unattainable value..... and I was blessed enough to have it!! How dare I not show it off proudly to the rest of the world, myself included? How dare I try to uphold unreasonable and unrealistic standards about what kind of Black was 'acceptable" and what kind was not?? I couldn't believe my own ignorance.
So, from this moment forward, I choose to polish and rock the gleaming gem of being an African American :) no longer will I try to fall in line with society's standards of acceptance and beauty. Instead, I choose to focus on inspiring other women like myself to define being black in a positive manner in whichever way that they choose to. To kind of help explain what I mean a little bit better, I wrote a poem about two years ago during Black History Month about my own thoughts on defining what it truly means...TO BE BLACK:
It's more than a race.
It's more than an ethnicity.
It's more than a check in the box that might have "Black/African American " written next to it.
It's more than a historical fight towards equality.
It's more than a man who invented the stop light or graduated from Morehouse College at age 15.
It's more than a woman who created the first line of hair care products or the very machine that is responsible
for those Converses on your feet.
It's more than days spent under the hot sun picking cotton, humming the words to "Swing Low, Sweet Chariot", praying to God that one day, you will not have to answer anyone as your 'Massa' or risk getting whipped to the point where you had enough welts for your great-great-great-great grandkids to feel the stinging pain.
It's more than having the second (& shortest) month of the year dedicated to our heritage.
It's more than hopping on the 'SOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUL TRAIN !"
It's more rocking big beautiful afros or dreadlocks.
It's more than rap, hip-hop, jazz, gospel and rhythm & blues.
It's more than "swag surfing" or fucking bitches and getting money that is not even yours by a LONG shot.
It's more than Waiting to Exhale or busting the windows out or your ex man's blue SUV with a crowbar.
It's more than Alvin Ailey, Josephine Baker, Matthew "Stymie" Beard, Billie "Buckwheat" Thomas, Malcolm X, Medgar Evers, Charles Drew, Garrett Morgan, Madama CJ Walker, Jesse Jackson, Al Shaprton, Minnie Ripperton, Ray Charles, Diana Ross, Stevie Wonder, Michael Jackson, Will Smith, Halle Berry, Isabel Sanford, Sherman Hemsley ,T.D. Jakes, Marivn Sapp, Kirk Franklin, Bobby Jones, Barack Obama & the list could go on for forever & a year.
To be black is not to be understood or talked about or dissected like your 10th grade bio project.
To be black is unfinished, undefinable by any characteristics.
To be black is merely what cannot be explained in a matter of words or books or studies testing out different theories.
It's more than just looking at the history books in government class.
Once your skin becomes darker, your hair kinkier & your presence draws awes and guffaws alike,
then you will encompass what being Black really is all about.
I hope you guys enjoy reading this rather lenghty post lol, but I felt that it was so necessary to address it as honestly as I could. Remember, love yourselves as you are--God made you the best way he absolutely could! Be Blessed :)
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