#TheSW30: Day 17
*What are your spiritual beliefs and how do they impact your relationships/relationship status?
This one may be a little bit touchy, so bear with me: simply put, I'm a part of the Christian faith.I may not go toting my Bible everywhere I go, but I do believe in what it says and what it stands for. You know, it;s funny I just said because in all honestly, I didn't really take my faith seriously until I was about 19 or 20 years old, partly because I didn't really understand and the other part being that I didn't really care. Frequently, I was faced with answering the 'higher calling' or answering peer pressure. High school was pretty easy to stay grounded because I spent my time around roughly the same people. College, on the other hand, is a different story. You meet so many different people and gain a sliver of independence from your parents (i.e. choosing to skip class. spending your gas money on a bottle of Kinky and 2-liter Sprite for a Wednesday night game of Kings) and the common saying of "anything goes" is a typical mindset of most students attending. However, I am not one of them. See, my relationship status of single is mainly due to how I see many college love affairs blossom, unfold and fizzle out. I don't want to be treated as a 'one night stand' or a 'good time when you want to be around me". I feel as if I deserve better than that. I deserve someone who is willing and able to treat me like a queen , but still can take care of his business. I deserve a guy who can be my best friend as well as my lover, someone who is able to love the person that I am (quirks and all) yet still pushes me to be a better woman each day. I want that one man who I will just know down to my soul that he is my match with one look, one conversation, one priceless moment.
The biggest wakeup call I had leading to this would be my last failed relationship (if y'all read the post about the Conversation with my Ex for this challenge, it is him that I'm referring to. For the sake of maintaining anonymity, we'll call him "G.") Anywho, my relationship with G. had been on/off for about threeish years--be together for a bit, break up and the cycle repeats. Well, this last time when he broke it off, I was of course devastated because I loved him so much. I even sacrificed my common sense in order to be with him because in my eyes, he was "the one". For 1.5 years, I desperately tried to convince him that he made a mistake and that maybe one day, we would fall back together again. But one day, I had enough. I was sick of trying to make someone who clearly was a selfish person try to see what he was missing out on. So I stopped chasing it and slowly began to let it go. As of October 2013, I finally released all of my feelings towards him and in December, I threw out a huge piece of our emotional history that I held so near and dear. I feel freed from that baggage, but slightly resentful because it took me so long to see that we very well may just not be meant to be. I let myself be tricked into someone's plan that I most likely was a coverup for his true feelings--gotta love those selfish people, right??
Well, that about sums it up. Sorry for taking snail years to finally finish this post lol. I hope that someone out there may read this and be able to relate to my struggle and find the strength to walk away from a toxic relationship in order to receive the precious love that they so deserve!
This one may be a little bit touchy, so bear with me: simply put, I'm a part of the Christian faith.I may not go toting my Bible everywhere I go, but I do believe in what it says and what it stands for. You know, it;s funny I just said because in all honestly, I didn't really take my faith seriously until I was about 19 or 20 years old, partly because I didn't really understand and the other part being that I didn't really care. Frequently, I was faced with answering the 'higher calling' or answering peer pressure. High school was pretty easy to stay grounded because I spent my time around roughly the same people. College, on the other hand, is a different story. You meet so many different people and gain a sliver of independence from your parents (i.e. choosing to skip class. spending your gas money on a bottle of Kinky and 2-liter Sprite for a Wednesday night game of Kings) and the common saying of "anything goes" is a typical mindset of most students attending. However, I am not one of them. See, my relationship status of single is mainly due to how I see many college love affairs blossom, unfold and fizzle out. I don't want to be treated as a 'one night stand' or a 'good time when you want to be around me". I feel as if I deserve better than that. I deserve someone who is willing and able to treat me like a queen , but still can take care of his business. I deserve a guy who can be my best friend as well as my lover, someone who is able to love the person that I am (quirks and all) yet still pushes me to be a better woman each day. I want that one man who I will just know down to my soul that he is my match with one look, one conversation, one priceless moment.
The biggest wakeup call I had leading to this would be my last failed relationship (if y'all read the post about the Conversation with my Ex for this challenge, it is him that I'm referring to. For the sake of maintaining anonymity, we'll call him "G.") Anywho, my relationship with G. had been on/off for about threeish years--be together for a bit, break up and the cycle repeats. Well, this last time when he broke it off, I was of course devastated because I loved him so much. I even sacrificed my common sense in order to be with him because in my eyes, he was "the one". For 1.5 years, I desperately tried to convince him that he made a mistake and that maybe one day, we would fall back together again. But one day, I had enough. I was sick of trying to make someone who clearly was a selfish person try to see what he was missing out on. So I stopped chasing it and slowly began to let it go. As of October 2013, I finally released all of my feelings towards him and in December, I threw out a huge piece of our emotional history that I held so near and dear. I feel freed from that baggage, but slightly resentful because it took me so long to see that we very well may just not be meant to be. I let myself be tricked into someone's plan that I most likely was a coverup for his true feelings--gotta love those selfish people, right??
Well, that about sums it up. Sorry for taking snail years to finally finish this post lol. I hope that someone out there may read this and be able to relate to my struggle and find the strength to walk away from a toxic relationship in order to receive the precious love that they so deserve!
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