Sabotage.

Gave all the energy she could give to breathe new life back into you,

But what if the one who was dying to live had no more strength left over to pull themselves through??

was it solely due to lack  of supply

due to an ever increasing demand?

or maybe the fear of the tears she'd cry

from the want of ruling the world she'd never fully understand?

From vile insults out of the mouths of other babes,

to lack of nurturing attention from elders

attempting to fulfill others' desires and ways

all the while suffocating and caging up hers.

She/her/they is me , I humbly say.

My pride tends to fool me , 

upholding I can do this all by mine lone.

"I'm a whole bad b*tch that can do this my way," sounds much like my insecure little girl tone.

Outside, I convey strong, independent, sass. 

The confidence to capture attention all color, shape or size.

Inside though lies anger and disappointment, even some crass.

A skewed belief system that be all not too wise.

I know it's wrong to shut out love,

an emotion all too blurred.

Many the countless messages from up above, 

fall on lips unparted, eyes unseen and ears unheard.

But no one is to blame except for me,

 perpetually lonely in this dark empty space.

Maybe it's finally time  to stop operating in envy

 and extend myself some much needed grace.