#TheSW30 :Day 1 & 2.

About two months ago, I was on my computer looking up prices for my school books for my final year of college, when I had kept coming across online ads for this book titled The Single Woman. The more I tried to just brush it off, the more the ads appeared. Clearly, something was telling me that this book had to be in my collection. So, after about a week and a half of failed attempts, I finally tracked this down to my local Berean's, paid my $12.74 to the cashier, and raced home to see what the hype was about. I have to say, this book has definitely blessed my life!! ( I seriously have re-read it at least six times since I purchased it. It's THAT good.) So when I got wind of her blogging challenge, I was like "YES! Finally I get to share my story with other single women out there. I could channel my inner Mandy Hale--she's the author, in case you didn't know--with no form of judgement."

Due to recent events, I didn't get around to posting yesterday's question, so I decided to do day 1 and 2 together. Here goes nothing.

Day 1 asked :  Your response to everyone’s favorite question: “And why are YOU still single?”

• Truthfully, I have WAYYYYY too much on my plate that I forget about my own well being sometimes, let alone someone else's. Being a senior nursing major takes up a ton of my time and energy that I know I could not give to a guy. Plus with now two car accidents under my belt in a 30 day period, I really am not in the right headspace for a relationship.
• I've also learned that I have issues with being alone and get jealous very easily. It seems like every time I log into Facebook or Instagram, all that pops up is "So and so is now engaged" or "such and such is married" and they're about the same age as me!  I mean, I'm happy for their happiness and all, yet there's this small pain in my chest , slapped with the reality of what I don't have yet. How can I be okay with sharing my time with someone else if I couldn't even be happy with me, myself and I? Simply, I cannot.
• Third, I cheat on God daily, with my music choices or my words or my thoughts. I'm very selfish in some areas spiritually and never take the time to give God the glory that He deserves. I never seem to hang onto the desire to just be with God. How can I even attempt to expect him to trust me with one of His sons? There's no way I would be ready! 
• Fourth, I'm still not quite comfortable in my own skin. Self esteem is something I've struggled with (and still do) for years, primarily when I began puberty. From my non flat stomach to my large breast size to the extra facial hair, it's hard for me to wake up and feel 'pretty'.The pressure to be a girl is sometimes insane and what feels to be unbearable You know, I still feel a little uneasy when people call me 'beautiful' or 'gorgeous' because I still don't feel that way a lot of the time.
• Finally, I fight my circumstances when I'm not in control. For lack of better words, I hate it. Like I stated before , I don't know how to just be, to not plan or worry or stress or trust or believe and be okay with that. If I can't fix it in some way, I fight and kick and scream until I can't do it anymore.

Day 2 asked: Describe a moment or a day when being single really sucked.

• I was all ready for my sorority's formal and was excited to spend the evening with my sisters :) however, as the dance went on, I grew more and more sad that I didn't have a date of my own to slow dance with or hold onto. My mind started reeling and asking all these questions : What's wrong with me? Where's my special guy at? Why am I always the third wheel or the odd girl out? When the heck is Mr. Right gonna get here!?!?! He's taking for-freaking EVER. 

Hopefully, doing this challenge will help not only other singles out there , but I hope to help myself in the process. For a long time, I would put other things and people before myself. Here's to the prospect that I will no longer do that to myself.  Cheers to the future! :)