#TheSW30: Day 1--New & Improved

So, some of you may remember how last year , I had set out to participate in Mandy Hale's 30 day blogging challenge that I unfortunately did not finish--I only got to day 18 or 19, I believe. After toying and tossing around the idea, I figured, "what the hell do I really have to lose here? why not try again?" But, this time, I want to do the challenge a little bit differently. This go-around, I am determined to try to be a little more honest with my answers, hoping to inspire even just one person out there to do the same before it's too late.

Alrighty, here goes nothing:

Question: Your response to everyone’s favorite question: “And why are YOU still single?”

After reviewing my post from last year, I noticed that every single reason I originally posted had remained the same (you can check that out here). However, in case you missed them, here they are:

• Truthfully, I have WAYYYYY too much on my plate that I forget about my own well being sometimes, let alone someone else's. Being a working girl in the real world takes up a ton of my time and energy that I know I could not give to a guy. I really am not in the right headspace for a relationship.
• I've also learned that I have issues with being alone and get jealous very easily. It seems like every time I log into Facebook or Instagram, all that pops up is "So and so is now engaged" or "such and such is married" and they're about the same age as me!  I mean, I'm happy for their happiness and all, yet there's this small pain in my chest , slapped with the reality of what I don't have yet. How can I be okay with sharing my time with someone else if I couldn't even be happy with me, myself and I? Simply, I cannot.
• Third, I cheat on God daily, with my music choices or my words or my thoughts. I'm very selfish in some areas spiritually and never take the time to give God the glory that He deserves. I never seem to hang onto the desire to just be with God. How can I even attempt to expect him to trust me with one of His sons? There's no way I would be ready! 
• Fourth, I'm still not quite comfortable in my own skin. Self esteem is something I've struggled with (and still do) for years, primarily when I began puberty. From my non flat stomach to my large breast size to the extra facial hair, it's hard for me to wake up and feel 'pretty'.The pressure to be a girl is sometimes insane and what feels to be unbearable You know, I still feel a little uneasy when people call me 'beautiful' or 'gorgeous' because I still don't feel that way a lot of the time.
• Finally, I fight my circumstances when I'm not in control. For lack of better words, I hate it. Like I stated before , I don't know how to just be, to not plan or worry or stress or trust or believe and be okay with that. If I can't fix it in some way, I fight and kick and scream until I can't do it anymore.

There are also a couple of new reasons as to why I don accent nail polish instead of an engagement on 'that' finger:

• The selection---lately, it appears that any guy I seem to attract fall in one of three categories: old enough to be my grandfather [no, I'm not kidding. at ALL] , they swing for the other team or I'm not completely attracted to them
• Sex--yes, it's a little bit personal, but honestly, sex still kinda freaks me out a bit. I've had this fear of it being awkward or weird that very first time and questions start racing a mile a second--Will he like my body? What's he gonna say/do/think once the clothes are off? Will he like what he see? will he not? 
• Money--this is probably my lone positive, but I like being able to buy something without really having to talk to anyone else about it. If wanna go to Chipotle for lunch, buy a new book or makeup, I have that freedom to do so :) 

Well, I hope that you all gain a little bit of understanding about me and I challenge all you ladies out there to do this challenge :)))))